5.23.13 34

Slut Shaming and Truth Talk

I read an article yesterday afternoon titled The Girls Who Are Never Getting Married. When I saw it on my Facebook timeline, I think I envisioned it as something vastly different than what it actually was. Naively enough, I assumed it was some sort of empowering female-written piece that intelligently discussed the other roles that women could play besides wife and mother: that in 2013, women have far more options than we did fifty years ago, and that if we choose not to marry or have children, we’ve progressed enough as a society that there would be no residual 1950s Donna Reed shame to pour upon them.

The only thing I was right about was that it was written by a female.

And perhaps that’s the part of the article that gave me the stabbies the most.

The article basically outlines certain groups of girls that guys are OMGtotallynotmarrying. Apparently, if you’re staying out late at the club and sleeping with guys, you better enjoy it, Jack, because you’re gonna be the old spinster with a collection of porcelain bunnies and no husband because guys don’t want non-virgin drinking girls OMGGG. And that’s totally a problem, y’all, because if you don’t get married, you’re pretty much worthless.

I think that’s my biggest issue with this article: not even the slut shaming (reprehensible though it may be), but the singleton shaming. The article sets up marriage to be the end-all, be-all for every woman, the event that you’re born yearning for, without which you’re incomplete and lonely.

And it’s not. If you treat marriage like that, you’re pretty much bound to get divorced. If you can’t stand yourself on your own, I’m pretty sure your manpal doesn’t care for you much either.

Not to mention, any man worth a damn doesn’t care if you were a partygirl in a former life. If he judges you on your past, he ain’t meant for your future. Bottom line. We’re breeding a society of young idiot men that are engulfed in being frat and demeaning women, and the young women are lapping it up, eager to have her frat daddy, no matter the cost. If he demeans you, he’s not a real man.

So let’s talk for a moment about real men. Men of substance and character. Real men support your goals and aspirations no matter what they may be, from homemaker to rocket surgeon. Real men don’t wrongly assume that you have to be Julia Child in the kitchen, Martha Stewart with a vacuum, and Jenna Jameson in the bedroom. Real men respect your opinions and value you for your character. Real men, no matter what TFM tells you, don’t refer to women as slampieces.

Simply put, real men, the men we cherish and value, are, at heart, feminists.

Feminism has almost become a dirty word. You’ll notice that nothing in the above referenced Webster’s definition of feminism has any sort of negative connotation. Perhaps I can’t speak for all feminists, but for me, it just means that I am equal, in every way, to a man. I am just as smart, just as capable, just as powerful as a man.

And we all are. But power is never given. It’s taken. You have to respect yourself enough to think that you deserve to be an equal. And from the tone of this woman’s article, it’s painfully obvious that she doesn’t. And that saddens me to no end.

#rambleblog

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34 Comments

  1. Brooke wrote:

    Love this so much. Almost as much as I love you. This has been such a strong topic for me right now – because who knows if I'll ever get married – but that doesn't mean I'm not worthy? And why shouldn't I be out drinking with my girlfriends? xoxo

    Published 5.23.13
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  2. shannon wrote:

    ok FIRST – slampiece? my brain does not even compute.

    lastly – very well written lady. frankly we don't live in the dark ages. there is someone for everyone and that's just the way the cookie crumbles. there will be a non-drinking virgin and there will be a party girl who enjoys the casual company of a man. and the best thing is that there will ABSOLUTELY be someone for each of them. it's a matter of taking hold of who you are. and never compromising that.

    Published 5.23.13
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  3. Oh man, I love this so much. Maybe because I'm a single lady who chooses to go out and socialize instead of sitting in a quiet apartment alone watching repeat episodes of Duck Dynasty every single night.

    Also, if anyone referred to me or any of my friends as a slampiece, someone would be getting a swift kick in the man jibs.

    Published 5.23.13
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  4. xx BHB wrote:

    *raises hand* former party girl right here — and let me tell you, I'm still a helluva good time at a party 🙂 and I'm a good time when I'm single and I'm a good time when I'm in a relationship and I am going to have a BLAST at my wedding. so I'm living proof that the article is so beyond inherently wrong.

    that piece is judgmental and critical and absurd. thank you for getting angry about it and thank you for so eloquently smashing it down.

    xo

    Published 5.23.13
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  5. Maggie wrote:

    I love this way too much. A little piece of me dies every time I hear girls speak this way about other girls. The recent turn on feminism grosses me out because I feel like girls are turning on themselves and forgetting their worth.
    Thanks for writing this lady! You always take the words right out of my mouth.

    Published 5.23.13
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  6. Kim wrote:

    Oh gosh – I love this so much. I started reading the article and this line in particular jumped out:

    "Statistically, those who work in industries that are based around self-image are fucking insane."

    …Oh cool, that sounds statistical and scientific. Thanks for your opinions, lady.

    I can't even *begin* to talk about what it means to find a real man and to have self-value and self-worth and not compromising on the things you truly need for yourself. Oy. Thank you so much for writing about this today!

    Published 5.23.13
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  7. callie ;) wrote:

    i have no words for how much i love this post. it's the best thing i've read in blogland in months. thanks for writing what so many of us feel!!

    xo, a former party girl turned fiancee 😉

    Published 5.23.13
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  8. Steph G wrote:

    Love this. You should probably ramble blog every day.

    Published 5.23.13
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  9. Courtney wrote:

    First, I love your rambleblogs. Second, I'm a former party girl turned wife. And my husband is okay with that! In fact, it means we have more fun together because we've been there, done that. Finally, for the record, totally nothing wrong with not getting married or being a party girl, amiright?

    Published 5.23.13
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  10. Sami wrote:

    Ah I love me some smarty pants TyTyFace. I read the article before I read the blog and I have to admit I was expecting something totally different too. If you haven't had a time in your life when you partied and danced and acted like an idiot.. then you're probably missing a very important piece of your life. Doing all of that taught me that I wanted to be a grownup and have responsibilities and I learned so much from that.

    Published 5.23.13
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  11. This is such a great post! Thanks for taking out your ranting and raving on women who probably have no girl friends and did more drugs than all those listed girls combined.

    Published 5.23.13
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  12. Stephanie wrote:

    Ahh I love this!

    Published 5.23.13
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  13. brooke lyn wrote:

    so that article sucked, but your post did not! people are dumb sometimes.

    Published 5.23.13
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  14. Adriana wrote:

    I always forget about people who think this way. Like is it even real life? I'm excited to get married and to be a mother and I have met stay at home mothers that are supermoms but that's not the RIGHT option. There are a lot of people who should NOT procreate but they do because they feel like it's a woman's purpose. gahh I hate it. this is such a great post. and I think it means even more because you're in a commited realtionship with a great guy who doesn't expect you to pop out babies and gourmet meals. Those women like the author definitely need to start acting like Women rather than objects. It's real upsetting

    Published 5.23.13
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  15. Nini Kat wrote:

    And a female wrote that? That's so ridiculous. I guess she fails to realize that women have bigger plans for themselves than pining for some institution that doesn't actually fulfill lives.

    Great post! I almost didn't want to click on the linked article to deprive it of views.

    Published 5.23.13
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  16. Katelyn wrote:

    Love this post! That article sounds horrific and is actually the exact reason why some men feel its ok to have these expectations in women. Feminism has become a dirty word when brought up in conversation and I never for the life of me knew why because I'm in the same boat as you and just took it to mean women and men are equal in all areas. Great job highlighting this!

    Published 5.23.13
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  17. Tami wrote:

    Uhhhmmm can I not be a party girl AND be married? Simultaneously? Because if getting married means I can never dance on a table again for the rest of my life, I guess this little lady is never getting hitched. Which would be SUCH a tragedy… Great post lady.

    Published 5.23.13
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  18. I can't believe a woman wrote this article. What a shame!

    Published 5.23.13
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  19. Actually, I looked at some of the other articles on this site and they are all demeaning! Sheesh!

    Published 5.23.13
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  20. Amber T wrote:

    I don't understand how anyone can expect everyone's end-all-be-all to be exactly the same… If all us women look different, act different, and love different how in the hell can anyone expect us all to want the same thing in life!?!

    I married young and skipped party days in college to be with my boyfriend (now husband). So, we decided to make our first few years of marriage that party time. It's so wonderfully irresponsible and we don't have to worry about finding a nightcap after drinking too much because we know exactly who we'll end up with! (Don't even get started on how annoying it is to hear that after two years of marriage we should be over that wild streak and into the baby making deal… -insert gagging here)

    Published 5.23.13
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  21. Jill wrote:

    This blog is so well-written! Love it! That article…on the other hand. Quite shameful. I don't understand women who unabashedly put other women down. Sad 🙁

    Published 5.23.13
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  22. Elle wrote:

    No, just no. That girl clearly does not know what she is missin'.

    I love the part where she confuses a wife with hired help. I may not have learned how to cook or clean in college but I learned how to hire someone to. 😉

    Great post lady! Well said!

    Published 5.23.13
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  23. MacKensie wrote:

    Once again, you are 100% on point. I LOVE this piece. You are an inspiration and I hope to exude half the intelligence, empowerment and eloquence that you do. Thank you for speaking out about important, touchy subjects on a regular basis.

    Published 5.23.13
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  24. The only slampiece I have is my mouth. And that is obviously for food.

    Published 5.23.13
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  25. Yes Ma'am this puts the sassy in arkansassy and I am loving every single freaking word!

    Published 5.23.13
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  26. Amen, sista! I have seen so much of these types of posts lately and they make my skin crawl! Glad I'm not the only one 🙂

    Published 5.23.13
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  27. Megan G. wrote:

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this post. Women need to know that our power comes from ourselves and we need to have respect for ourselves and our fellow women. The article is deplorable, but I'm hoping this lights the fire for us to not let the out-dated opinion of others get taken seriously.

    Published 5.23.13
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  28. Absolutely love this. Amen sista.

    Published 5.24.13
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  29. Hey Tyler. Wow, such an interesting article. I want to share that at some point as well. I think that everyone is different. As I get older I still judge but I tend to be more understanding and accepting of everyone. Single women are powerful and just because they are married doesn't mean any less of them. I'm getting married but there are SO many times where I miss my single life because it was so carefree and easy. I think no matter what type of woman you choose to be, the way you treat others in your life says more about you than anything you think, say, or do.

    Published 5.24.13
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  30. Julie wrote:

    I love this post!
    I've been single (and happy) for a long time. Happiness come from within and that's a great reminder.

    Published 5.24.13
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  31. Kaitlin wrote:

    You are absolutely amazing. This post almost made me cry. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to read your posts like this (this one and the gay marriage one especially). I could talk about this stuff all day, but sometimes I think I get a little too heated and people just start to roll their eyes. But feminism is not a dirty word, it IS about power, and please keep writing these beautiful, empowering posts. As a side note, that website, EliteDaily, where this article is from, has TONS of disgusting articles like this. At first I thought it was a satire site but now I'm afraid it's written by people who are actually claiming to represent our generation… x_x

    Published 5.24.13
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  32. Misty wrote:

    I don't cook.. not even a little bit. My husband knew that before he married me. It's been 11 years now. We're good. Ha!

    And, if it came down to it, I'd be able to find another man without being a chef. Just sayin'.

    Stupid articles like this just really chap my ass. LOL

    Published 5.26.13
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  33. Helene wrote:

    Don't know how I missed this post but I love it so much. It's people like the woman who wrote this article that make women take a step backward instead of forward. Yes we can say she's dumb but people (girls) believe it! Makes me so mad! Couldn't agree with you more.

    Published 5.31.13
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  34. I'm reading through your blog and loving the way you write and share your thoughts! So glad I found this! 🙂

    –Erika
    http://www.chimerikal.com

    Published 8.1.13
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