You wanna really freak yourself out? Come to the realization that you’re halfway finished being pregnant. Like, take this time I’ve been pregnant, and add it to today. Then I’ll have a human being for whom I am responsible. One who may behave exactly as I did/do. As my Uncle reminded me, my Memaw used to tell him that he would one day “pay for his upbringing.”
If that’s the case, I have a lot of apologies to make.
Weight gain: As of right now, I’ve gained almost eight pounds. I’d be lying if I said this part is easy. After spending twenty years watching my weight, striving for the “perfect” number, sitting back and watching that number get bigger has been a struggle. In my rational mind, I get it — there’s a human in me — but in my emotional space (where weight struggles live), I’m screaming a little. It’s fine and all, just a new experience that I’m learning to embrace. Admittedly, it’s been fun watching myself get a little softer.
I’m still not super pokey. I did a photoshoot for maternity activewear last week in which I was called “too tiny” over and over (not used to that, but I’ll take it!). They ended up strapping a prosthetic belly to me, and using my regular “softer” body to shoot postpartum leggings as well. I’m a double-duty prego, what can I say. Here’s a glimpse into the future:
Emotions: I unfortunately lost Dolly the Poodle early this week, so my emotions have been wild. Mainly crying (no shocker), but a lot of introspective thought too. I have a tendency to process grief/hardship with whamm-o changes, so I’m keeping myself from tossing everything we own and starting again, but it’s so, so tempting. It’s also the first time I really wanted any sort of alcohol. A
bottle glass of wine would have done me some good with the Dolly situation. I’ve been clinging to Louie (no, literally clinging), and I’m sure he’s tired of my suffocating him, but thank God we have him. To lose a pet and come back to a totally empty home would have been almost unbearable.
Food stuff: Orange juice (with lots of ice). That’s really it right now. I really want the macaroni and cheese from Loaded Bowl in Oklahoma City, but it’s hard to make a 2.5 hour one-way trip just for macaroni, ya know?
Movement: If I had any question whether I’d felt movement last week, it’s gone this week! This kid moved hard enough that Dale could feel it from the outside. Orange juice gets him hopped up. It’s happening more and more during the day now — it was late at night or early morning (when I’m trying to be still, naturally), but there’s no discrimination of time for this kid now.
Random stuff: Little lady/dude weighed ten ounces when we saw her/him last week. Isn’t that wild? Critter is now the size of a sweet potato. I read that he/she can hear voices now, so welcome to Momma Karaoke! Oh … and we ordered a crib this week 🙂 now we just have to decide what to do with it. We’re going this morning to look at childcare (for when I head back to work in mid-late April), and this all makes it feel so real. It’s almost like I’ve been playing make-believe until now.
We’re taking one of our last long-haul trips this weekend, heading to upstate New York to visit friends. We’ve got this set of flights, and a trip to Boston in late October, and that’s it until Lil’ Critter arrives. It’s becoming more and more real every day, with little things that happen. In another twenty weeks, we’ll have a baby!